Lesson Learned

Well my “vacation” has come and went. Unfortunately it did not go quite at all as we had planned. In fact it was by far the worst vacation I have ever been on. My mom, husband, and I got a long great. On the other hand, I had to learn a hard lesson about my Aunt. While I was hoping to spend a lot of time and make good memories with her since she has Small Cell Lung Cancer, I was in for a rude awakening.

Turns out the only things ‘important’ to her were chain smoking and skyping her family back home. I was taken by complete surprise. She also treated me personally, like I was dirt on the ground. She continuously called me a bitch, claimed that I needed to take my ‘meds’, claimed that I was being mean to her, and that she should give me pills that would help my mood swings and bitchiness. All of this literally came out of nowhere. I calmly explained to her that yes my hormones are imbalanced due to the injection of Lupron which put me into a menopausal state. But even my husband and mom agreed that I was acting very normal and was not treating her bad at all. Actually I acted as if everything she said didn’t bother me and laughed it off to not create waves. She attacked me for having a disease that I cannot control and tried to down play the severity of my disease.. that I just like to complain about it. Someone that I thought cared about me as I did her really showed me who she really is.

Then at the end of the trip it all came to a head. My aunt stole my vicodin and of course she lied and denied it. But it all finally made sense. She was so irrational and mean towards me the whole trip because she was under the influence. Drugs make people do things that normally they would never do. I learned a hard lesson. Although she has cancer I can no longer feel bad for her. She’s chain smoking like you would not believe and she has LUNG CANCER! She’s using the cancer as a crutch to steal, lie, and get high. Meanwhile, everyone is feeling bad for her. I’m sorry but I can’t.

The great memories we wanted to make is now just a vacation I wish I could forget.

Imagine This

Here I am 21 years old. Dr says, “From your diagnosis you may never have kids without fertility treatments. We can try Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) or Invitro Fertilization (IVF) but it’s very expensive and there are certainly NO guarantees that it will work.” Just imagine this for a moment.

All of these thoughts in my head, how could this be, how could my dreams be crushed in an instant, why me?

We spent several thousand dollars and dug ourselves into debt. Why? Because we were chasing our dream. Did it work? No. Although we did not try IVF because that is 10s of thousands of dollars and on top of our current treatment debt we are in no way able to dig further. But the chances of it working? UP TO a 40% chance. MAYBE. If you’re lucky. On top of that, could my body handle it? Treatments make my endo worse so chances are, no I couldn’t handle it.

But just take a minute and put yourself into my shoes. How would you feel if this news came to you after 4 years of trying to conceive.

Yes, Miracles happen everyday; however I can’t live my life everyday expecting a miracle to happen. So here I am almost 22years old honestly thinking about a hysterectomy. I want to close this chapter. I don’t want to continue to live with a what if or maybe a miracle will happen. Because frankly that f*cks with my head and emotions beyond belief.

I was asked the other day point blank, “So right now in this moment do you have any chance of getting pregnant – is there anything that they can do or you can take that will work?” This really made me think and made things much clearer for myself. The answer is no. There are no true treatments for endo. Fertility treatments did not work. There is nothing that they can do. But at 21 I should not have to face this. I should not have to feel like I have failed as a woman. Or be deprived of what many women around me can do so easily.

This happened to me because I’m supposed to be able to handle this and maybe you, the person that is reading this or that girl who is 8 weeks pregnant with her 2nd child, couldn’t.

Don’t get me wrong I am extremely grateful for the life that I have been given. I have an amazing husband who busts his ass everyday to put food on the table and take care of me when I am hurting beyond words. My mom is one of my biggest supporters. I have been inspired by my Aunt who has been diagnosed with cancer, to keep on fighting. And my animals keep me smiling day in and day out.

But please don’t judge me, please try to understand. I have a disease that is incurable and most days my body hates me. I’m grieving the loss of having children. I have my ups and downs. Some days I want to talk about it, other days I don’t want anyone even mentioning it. Naturally, I’m filled with anger, guilt, jealousy, sadness, and loss. But I’m working on it. I’m working on being a better me. I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me, I just want you to be aware.

Unless you are faced with this you may never truly understand but atleast you can try.

Just imagine this and walk in my shoes.

 

xoxo

 

 

Smoking & Lung Cancer

I have never been a smoker and have never condoned it. My Aunt is currently battling Small Cell Lung Cancer which is likely caused by being a long time smoker. Lung cancer is the LEADING CANCER KILLER IN THE U.S. (and I bet that will surprise a few people, but should it?)

Lung cancer deaths can be prevented by both screenings and quitting smoking.

For more information about Lung Cancer Screening follow this link!

That being said…

I am beyond happy that CVS has taken the initiative to STOP selling tobacco products! This is a MAJOR move but as a leading pharmacy, it only makes sense that they take a preventative measure against major health issues caused by tobacco. I am really hoping that other pharmacies and companies follow their lead in an effort to protect the people and raise awareness.

For more information about CVS & their stand against tobacco follow this link!

 

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month

This is an amazing program and I encourage others to participate/donate. My Aunt received her first card from Cards of Hope and was delightfully surprised by the encouragement and thoughtfulness. It’s really great!!

Cards of Hope

childhoodcancerawarenessmonth

Did you know that September was Childhood Cancer Awareness month?  Well, here are a few facts about childhood cancer.

  • In 2014, it is expected that 1 in 285 children will be diagnosed with cancer before the age of 20.
  • Even though childhood cancer is considered “rare”, worldwide over a quarter of a million kids are diagnosed annually.
  • The causes of most childhood cancer is unknown.
  • Currently, childhood cancer can not be prevented.
  • It is expected that about 43 children a day will be diagnosed with childhood cancer.

Those facts are startling to those that might not have ever had to watch their child battle cancer.  Let’s start raising awareness for our children, our neighbor’s children and our communities’ children.

I want to say thank you to everyone that is donating to the Cards of Hope program.  I have gotten stickers, crafts, hats and etc to pass on to those enrolled…

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What to do if you were recently diagnosed with cancer

I think this is very helpful!! Positivity is SO IMPORTANT!

Cards of Hope

go daddy picture counseling small

So many people get the diagnosis of cancer at their doctors’ visits and forget everything else after the word cancer that the doctor says.  Well, I hope that this article will help you if you recently got diagnosed.  Here are a few things that I recommend.

First off, don’t blame yourself for your cancer.  Blame your cancer on global warming, on anything but yourself.  Even if your diet or lifestyle habits aren’t the best, you still shouldn’t blame yourself. It isn’t like you decided one morning that you wanted to have cancer, no one wants cancer.  Blaming yourself for cancer isn’t going to be beneficial at all.

After you have a few days to digest the diagnosis, I suggest that you get a notebook with a folder pocket in it.  If you can’t find one then get a 3 ring binder and put a notebook and a folder in it…

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Great Review of CafePress

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Since my Aunt was diagnosed in July with Small Cell Lung Cancer, I decided that I wanted to show her as much support as I possibly could. I went to http://www.cafepress.com/ to get some supportive apparel and accessories for Small Cell Lung Cancer Awareness.

First off, the deals and prices are unbeatable and they have just about everything and anything you could want! My total order was $160+ and I ended up only spending $85 after discounts! Everything arrived pretty quickly and so far I was impressed. But when I tried the shirts on I realized they were just too tight for my liking so I thought “Here we go, now I’ll have to pay to ship everything back and on top of that wait for the new stuff to get here!” Let’s just say that wasn’t the case at all!

I emailed them through their exchange page and quickly got a reply back saying that they were shipping the new shirts out right away and should have them within 2 weeks! Oh and not to worry about sending the original stuff back this was their gift to me for shopping with them!

I couldn’t believe it!! Talk about some GREAT Customer Service!! We will definitely be shopping with them again. Thank you again, the new shirts fit perfect!!

Check out CafePress’ Website & CafePress’ Blog. Hope you catch some great deals like I did!!

xoxo

Cards Of Hope for Cancer Patients

Please visit: Cards Of Hope’s Blog.

I feel this is 100% worth sharing! My Aunt is battling Small Cell Lung Cancer and Cards of Hope is going to help encourage her by sending her Cards in the mail. This makes me so happy and thankful that there is someone doing something so great like this out there. So if you are battling cancer or have a loved one that is keep Cards Of Hope in mind, you just may change someone’s life.

My Aunt is a very strong woman and a fighter. I want her to always be reminded that she will win this battle, she has the FIGHT in her!

Thank you again Cards Of Hope.

FIGHT LIKE A GIRL!!!!

**UPDATE** — My Aunt received her first card in the mail and appreciated it greatly! It made her feel so good and uplifted!–

xoxo