Lesson Learned

Well my “vacation” has come and went. Unfortunately it did not go quite at all as we had planned. In fact it was by far the worst vacation I have ever been on. My mom, husband, and I got a long great. On the other hand, I had to learn a hard lesson about my Aunt. While I was hoping to spend a lot of time and make good memories with her since she has Small Cell Lung Cancer, I was in for a rude awakening.

Turns out the only things ‘important’ to her were chain smoking and skyping her family back home. I was taken by complete surprise. She also treated me personally, like I was dirt on the ground. She continuously called me a bitch, claimed that I needed to take my ‘meds’, claimed that I was being mean to her, and that she should give me pills that would help my mood swings and bitchiness. All of this literally came out of nowhere. I calmly explained to her that yes my hormones are imbalanced due to the injection of Lupron which put me into a menopausal state. But even my husband and mom agreed that I was acting very normal and was not treating her bad at all. Actually I acted as if everything she said didn’t bother me and laughed it off to not create waves. She attacked me for having a disease that I cannot control and tried to down play the severity of my disease.. that I just like to complain about it. Someone that I thought cared about me as I did her really showed me who she really is.

Then at the end of the trip it all came to a head. My aunt stole my vicodin and of course she lied and denied it. But it all finally made sense. She was so irrational and mean towards me the whole trip because she was under the influence. Drugs make people do things that normally they would never do. I learned a hard lesson. Although she has cancer I can no longer feel bad for her. She’s chain smoking like you would not believe and she has LUNG CANCER! She’s using the cancer as a crutch to steal, lie, and get high. Meanwhile, everyone is feeling bad for her. I’m sorry but I can’t.

The great memories we wanted to make is now just a vacation I wish I could forget.

Excuses

As my phone buzzes with a text message from my grandmother (father’s mother) I instantly realize our lives are filled with excuses. We make excuses for the people that hurt us to sugar coat what they have done or we force ourselves to believe their excuses for why they have failed us once again.

She’s concerned because she hasn’t heard from me in awhile. Well I think about it for a moment and I ask myself is she really even being genuine. Does she actually even care? Answer.. Probably Not. And here’s why..

I had a sexual abuse case opened against her husband (my step grandfather) around the age of 14, not by my choice per say, but by children’s services after explaining to them how he treated me and the things he had done. My grandmother bashed me with EVERY EXPLICIT WORD OR NAME you could think of. She didn’t speak to me for over a year and still to this day thinks I’m a liar; although she no longer lives with him, they are still married. I always made the excuse “That’s her husband so she’s sticking up for him” BUT I’m her granddaughter.. what about me?? Mind you, her and I were extremely close prior to this.

Fast forward to my Graduation day at the age of 18. I had called my father and grandmother for months and months prior to this day. Neither of them would answer the phone or return my call. They acted as if I never existed. But it was ok for my father to drunk pocket dial me while out with his friends. When I’d call him back he wouldn’t answer. My graduation day came and went until one day I got a phone call from my grandmother explaining how she had been sick and that is why they never returned my phone calls. EXCUSE. For one why didn’t my father call to let me know that she was in the hospital? Why didn’t they atleast send a card or a phone call acknowledging my graduation? To this day I have never actually received any acknowledgment that I ever graduated from my father.

I did the nice thing by letting them be a part of my wedding. Traditionally, my father walked me down the aisle BUT not without my mom because ultimately she’s the only one that has always been there. A year after our wedding I was diagnosed with endometriosis and I was scheduled for surgery.

My grandmother insisted that she come up to help me (we live 2 hours apart) with my recovery. I was fine with that and thought it was a nice gesture. But two days before my surgery when I still hadn’t heard from her I called her to ask what time she would be here since my surgery was very early in the morning. She then told me she forgot that she promised the neighbor they would bake pies together so there was no way she could come up to be with me.

WAIT WHAT?! I just got blown off by my grandmother cause she had to bake pies?! WTF?! Why would you offer to help someone and then blow them off for pies? Right then and there. Excuses were out the door.

These people need to own up to these things. Not make us think that we need to make excuses for them. I live and learn every day.

So reading this message from her… does she honestly care… probably not at all. Though, she does lie a lot and she can be very fake and make you think that she cares. Only to turn around and treat you like shit and then make excuses for why she’s done that to you.

If someone hurts you, don’t make an excuse for them and don’t let them make excuses, they know what they are doing.

xoxo