Well I completed my first week at my new job! I must say its a lot to learn (shipping/receiving). But I feel so good about it. From the minute I was referred for this job, to the interview, to now working there, I have had nothing but good vibes! I have finally found my purpose, my meaning. It is so great to be in an office and working with 10-20 people a day versus 1,000 (retail)! What’s also nice is I can relate a lot with the woman training me since she has gone through ivf and failed fertility treatments as well as marriage trouble. I feel for her greatly! But it is nice to be able to talk to someone and have them understand exactly what I’m going thru and vice versa. It is so hard for people to understand what you’re going thru and it feels like it’s just you in this big old world feeling this way… So when you start to meet people that are just like you, it’s a relief.
I feel like my life is damn near complete right now. Good job, great husband, and financially digging ourselves out. It’s good to feel good.
Today changes everything. My Dr finally gave me a stage. Stage 4, most severe and very aggressive endometriosis. He is sending me for a colonoscopy (wasn’t expecting this at all!) because of my current and past issues of bleeding with constipation and diarrhea. He’s worried of the possibility that the endo has burrowed inside my “poop shoot” (as he calls it so I understand). During past surgeries, the exterior of my bowels looked fine but he explained that the inside could be a different story. Truthfully, I think it will all be okay.. maybe just hemorrhoids. My intuition is usually pretty good when it comes to my body/health…. so hoping that I’m in the clear.
Next month though, I am having a partial hysterectomy. I will have my uterus and my right ovary removed. Leaving the left ovary so that I don’t completely lose all hormones. I am going to try to prolong the removal of my left ovary for as long as possible. 9 out of 10 I will eventually need to have it removed though. He also plans to remove the endo that’s on my right bilateral ligament and nerves, if still there. I see the neurologist tomorrow and am curious to see where he thinks my nerve pain is derived from whether it be my back or pelvic region.
Most women and especially young women as myself, would be upset about a hysterectomy.. but I’m not. I feel like this gives me control of what is going on. Now I know that this isn’t a cure, I very well could continue to have pain and endo. BUT it will help. I don’t feel that I will be less of a woman without a period/uterus. I’ve been dealing with the loss of not being able to have children for many years now, a hysterectomy will only help me close that chapter and start new. I realize that there may be more emotions and feelings to come still before and after the surgery but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I’ve been fighting my own body for far too long! I can and WILL handle what ever life may throw at me, it’s what I do. 🙂