Lately, I’ve had to learn a lot about friendship and about myself. I’m the type of person that gives and gives. I feel like I am drawn toward the people with the most problems and try to help them, fix them, and comfort them. But the problem with this is that they are mostly focused on themselves… The relationship becomes strictly about them 24/7 and there is nothing left for me. While I am typically ok with this, it seems that it’s creating problems within my own life now.
My best friend of 16 years needed a place to stay for the second time in our adulthood.. So I said sure why not come live with me. Then he wanted to propose to his partner so I offered him to make payments to me on the ring if I paid for it. When it was all done… I realized I was being used.. He had started to come between my hubby and I… And when I said it was time to leave it became apparent I wasn’t going to get the money for the ring. So I asked for it back and eventually he returned it to me. I lost a friend, but learned a lesson.
My other close friend was going through a divorce and started dating someone. It was a rough relationship between her and the new man on top of getting thru the divorce. I tried to be there every step of the way with her. Every late phone call, every urgent “I need you” – I was there. But during this time I was also separated from my husband.. And seeing a not-so-good man. It was one of the worst times of my life.. I almost lost my husband. Recently, this close friend responded to the not-so-good man on social media stating her boyfriend and her love him and wanted him to come over to a housewarming party. I was shocked! Here’s my best friend who knew everything I went through… Knew this man almost ruined my marriage…. And is now inviting him over, saying they love him.
That was all it took. It was like a bus hit me. This wasn’t a friend of mine. And definitely not a best or close friend. In the last few days, I have learned that I will not allow anyone in my life that is not with me 100% … If they don’t bring out the positive aspects of life, I can’t be involved. She explains that it really wasn’t meant that way, but I can’t see past the fact that she would even feel it’s ok to express this to him. To have no regard to how my husband and I would feel. From what she tells me she doesn’t like this man for what he’s done to me and so many others.. She knows intimate details. Truthfully, I never asked her to not be friends or not talk to him but I never expected that she would feel so comfortable to say and do these things. The housewarming party that she invited him too is also the party she invited me to. She tells me of course she would never ACTUALLY invite him … But why did you say it then? To make him feel good? Why? Is that what you do to me? Be fake and say things just to make me feel good? Yea… I don’t think that’s any true friend of mine.
Now I see, the very people she was talking bad about… She is now becoming buddy buddy with. Every little action solidifies what I’ve thought. It’s not about who is there for her, just as long as someone is. Some people are never ok unless they have people around them.. Or friends that are there for them. But that’s just it… It’s always about them… There’s nothing deeper between them and any given person.
I don’t need friends… Especially not these kind. Granted I am not perfect by any means, but atleast I’m honest. I give my whole heart but people take it for granted and then stop to ask why they have no friends (which she recently asked me). Well darling, this is why. She’s not a bad person, and truly I do care about her but I can’t have a one way friendship. I’d rather have no friends than someone I can’t trust to have my back when I need someone.